IN DALLAS/FORT WORTH HOME
By Linda Altoonian
Dear Linda:
My strong but sweet father and I have always had a close
relationship, but since my mother died, he vacillates between
agitation and what appears to be fear. I’m not sure what to do.
A Nervous Daughter
Dear Daughter:
Children take comfort in the notion that their parents, the only real
heroes in most lives, will always be sturdy, vibrant, and completely
competent. Parents symbolize security, the rock from which
children draw strength and endurance.
It’s heartbreaking to see those idols decline into illness, pain,
insecurity, and dependence. Children — even grown ones, struggle
when the rock begins to break into pieces. It is when they must
accept, perhaps for the first time, their parents’ mortality.
This is when roles are reversed and the caregivers become the
ones who are cared for. Parents are forced to relinquish their power
and independence and look to their children for survival. That can be
terrifying.
Children must take on the responsibility of that care, and the hard
work and decisions required, but they must do so in a way that
protects their parent’s dignity. Understanding is the first step.
Honor your father’s feelings with an attentive ear and great
empathy. He’ll feel more secure if he knows his concerns are
important, and he has an advocate in his corner.
Protect his rights by involving him in the decisions impacting his
life. Be sure his desires are expressed in legal documents including
a Will, in which funeral and burial preferences are included,
Physician’s Directive, and Power of Attorney. Visit
www.caregiver.com for information and resources.
He’ll find solace in knowing he’s not alone. Encourage interaction
with his peers. An adult day care provides nursing and medical
services, recreation and social opportunities, and a nutritious
lunch. The program will also allow you to work or have some free
time to rejuvenate. Call the National Adult Day Services at 800-424-
9046 for direction.
Be sure to get him involved in church, if he is not already. A church
family can support him and you. They can help with the hard issues
he is facing -- loss, death and being alone, and they can help him
find solace in God.
Caring for our parents is a blessing, a repayment for their
sacrifices, and an opportunity to express our deepest feelings for
them in words and action. It is a true labor of love.
Dear Linda:
My strong but sweet father and I have always had a close
relationship, but since my mother died, he vacillates between
agitation and what appears to be fear. I’m not sure what to do.
A Nervous Daughter
Dear Daughter:
Children take comfort in the notion that their parents, the only real
heroes in most lives, will always be sturdy, vibrant, and completely
competent. Parents symbolize security, the rock from which
children draw strength and endurance.
It’s heartbreaking to see those idols decline into illness, pain,
insecurity, and dependence. Children — even grown ones, struggle
when the rock begins to break into pieces. It is when they must
accept, perhaps for the first time, their parents’ mortality.
This is when roles are reversed and the caregivers become the
ones who are cared for. Parents are forced to relinquish their power
and independence and look to their children for survival. That can be
terrifying.
Children must take on the responsibility of that care, and the hard
work and decisions required, but they must do so in a way that
protects their parent’s dignity. Understanding is the first step.
Honor your father’s feelings with an attentive ear and great
empathy. He’ll feel more secure if he knows his concerns are
important, and he has an advocate in his corner.
Protect his rights by involving him in the decisions impacting his
life. Be sure his desires are expressed in legal documents including
a Will, in which funeral and burial preferences are included,
Physician’s Directive, and Power of Attorney. Visit
www.caregiver.com for information and resources.
He’ll find solace in knowing he’s not alone. Encourage interaction
with his peers. An adult day care provides nursing and medical
services, recreation and social opportunities, and a nutritious
lunch. The program will also allow you to work or have some free
time to rejuvenate. Call the National Adult Day Services at 800-424-
9046 for direction.
Be sure to get him involved in church, if he is not already. A church
family can support him and you. They can help with the hard issues
he is facing -- loss, death and being alone, and they can help him
find solace in God.
Caring for our parents is a blessing, a repayment for their
sacrifices, and an opportunity to express our deepest feelings for
them in words and action. It is a true labor of love.
Protecting a parent's dignity
DEAR LINDA
Linda Joyce Altoonian is an award-winning
writer, whose Dear Ageless column was on
the National Wire Service and has
appeared regularly in numerous
newspapers including the Fort Worth Star-
Telegram. For more than 10 years, she
served as editor-in-chief of various
national magazines including the Mickey
Mantle and Selena collector’s editions.
Today, she produces publications and
teaches journalism for which she has
been selected the State Journalism
Teacher of the Year by the Press Women
of Texas. "Living Agelessly: Creating a
Lifestyle for Mid-Life and Beyond" is her
first full length book, which is available on
Amazon.com (search for Living Agelessly).
She resides in Arlington, Texas, where
she raised two great kids and cared for
two parents who served as the inspiration
for her book. Send comments and
questions to lindaaltoonian@hotmail.com.
writer, whose Dear Ageless column was on
the National Wire Service and has
appeared regularly in numerous
newspapers including the Fort Worth Star-
Telegram. For more than 10 years, she
served as editor-in-chief of various
national magazines including the Mickey
Mantle and Selena collector’s editions.
Today, she produces publications and
teaches journalism for which she has
been selected the State Journalism
Teacher of the Year by the Press Women
of Texas. "Living Agelessly: Creating a
Lifestyle for Mid-Life and Beyond" is her
first full length book, which is available on
Amazon.com (search for Living Agelessly).
She resides in Arlington, Texas, where
she raised two great kids and cared for
two parents who served as the inspiration
for her book. Send comments and
questions to lindaaltoonian@hotmail.com.