Leave the pity party!
By Annette Bridges
Self-pity is no party, my friends! Perhaps we’ve all thrown one of
these at least once in our lives. Maybe we know some folks who
throw one every day.
It can be easy to justify our sorrow. We feel people have done us
wrong, our life is spinning out of our control, our dreams have
been shattered, or we see ourselves as the victim of
circumstances. So we may believe we have good reason to be
down and depressed.
We need to leave this pity party, my friends, because these
thought patterns are toxic and never worthwhile. They will destroy
our hope for a better tomorrow and stifle us into a martyr complex
that will blind us from our purpose and potential. Besides, no one
has a good and happy time at a pity party!
I’ve held a few pity parties in my life. My favorite occasion for one
is when I’m feeling unappreciated and misunderstood.
During a recent pity party, I came across a definition of self-pity
which explained that self-pity doesn’t come from a sense of
worthiness but from a sense of unrecognized worthiness. And it
referred to self-pity as the response of unapplauded pride and a
wounded ego.
I hated to think of myself as having a wounded ego. Was my
basis for feeling unappreciated and misunderstood really my hurt
pride?
Admittedly, I may not be able to change the behavior and
thoughts of the people around me, but I can change how I
respond to them. Just the acknowledgement of this fact made
me feel empowered and encouraged – no longer the helpless
victim.
I couldn’t help but remember the story in the Bible about the man
healed by the pool of Bethesda. (John 5:2-9) Now truly, if ever
someone could have been justified in his feelings of self-pity, this
guy would have been one. He had been an invalid for thirty-eight
years. And for years, he had waited by this pool to be healed.
The rumor was if you were the first to get in the water at a certain
time, you would be cured of whatever ailment you were suffering
from.
When Jesus came upon this man, he asked him, “Would you
like to get well?”
Instead of a resounding “YES!” the man gave an excuse of why
he couldn’t. He said, “I can’t, sir, for I have no one to put me into
the pool when the water bubbles up. Someone else always gets
there ahead of me.”
Of course, Jesus knew this man didn’t have to get into the pool
to be healed. He knew God created him upright and healthy, and
these qualities were his innate spiritual nature now and always.
So Jesus told him, “Stand up, pick up your mat, and walk!” And
so he did. No more excuses, no more being a victim of
circumstances, no more pity party.
When we feel the weight of the world is on our shoulders or we
feel put upon or victimized, we can do something about our
plight. I saw a sign that read, “Do you rise and shine or rise and
whine?”
Whining, even when we feel it’s justified, will not help – will not
result in healing, progress or resolution. So quite simply, it’s a
waste of our time!
We can learn to stop self-pity when it attempts to creep into our
thoughts. It may be normal to at first feel sad or sorry for
ourselves when things go wrong. But we can immediately turn
our sorrow into positive action. We can surround ourselves with
things that bring joy and happiness and experience whatever
makes us laugh. We can choose thankfulness as our ticket out
of self-misery. If need be, we can make a list of all the good that
has ever happened in our lives. We can’t feel sorrowful and
grateful at the same time!
And Jesus did give us instruction on how to treat those that
mistreat us when he said, “Love your enemies. Let them bring
out the best in you, not the worst. When someone gives you a
hard time, respond with the energies of prayer for that person…”
(Matthew 5:44).
A wounded ego and unapplauded pride is not the best in me or
you. We can leave behind anything and everything that is holding
us back or keeping us down. And we can all rise and shine to a
new day of joy, peace of mind, and infinite possibilities!
By Annette Bridges
Self-pity is no party, my friends! Perhaps we’ve all thrown one of
these at least once in our lives. Maybe we know some folks who
throw one every day.
It can be easy to justify our sorrow. We feel people have done us
wrong, our life is spinning out of our control, our dreams have
been shattered, or we see ourselves as the victim of
circumstances. So we may believe we have good reason to be
down and depressed.
We need to leave this pity party, my friends, because these
thought patterns are toxic and never worthwhile. They will destroy
our hope for a better tomorrow and stifle us into a martyr complex
that will blind us from our purpose and potential. Besides, no one
has a good and happy time at a pity party!
I’ve held a few pity parties in my life. My favorite occasion for one
is when I’m feeling unappreciated and misunderstood.
During a recent pity party, I came across a definition of self-pity
which explained that self-pity doesn’t come from a sense of
worthiness but from a sense of unrecognized worthiness. And it
referred to self-pity as the response of unapplauded pride and a
wounded ego.
I hated to think of myself as having a wounded ego. Was my
basis for feeling unappreciated and misunderstood really my hurt
pride?
Admittedly, I may not be able to change the behavior and
thoughts of the people around me, but I can change how I
respond to them. Just the acknowledgement of this fact made
me feel empowered and encouraged – no longer the helpless
victim.
I couldn’t help but remember the story in the Bible about the man
healed by the pool of Bethesda. (John 5:2-9) Now truly, if ever
someone could have been justified in his feelings of self-pity, this
guy would have been one. He had been an invalid for thirty-eight
years. And for years, he had waited by this pool to be healed.
The rumor was if you were the first to get in the water at a certain
time, you would be cured of whatever ailment you were suffering
from.
When Jesus came upon this man, he asked him, “Would you
like to get well?”
Instead of a resounding “YES!” the man gave an excuse of why
he couldn’t. He said, “I can’t, sir, for I have no one to put me into
the pool when the water bubbles up. Someone else always gets
there ahead of me.”
Of course, Jesus knew this man didn’t have to get into the pool
to be healed. He knew God created him upright and healthy, and
these qualities were his innate spiritual nature now and always.
So Jesus told him, “Stand up, pick up your mat, and walk!” And
so he did. No more excuses, no more being a victim of
circumstances, no more pity party.
When we feel the weight of the world is on our shoulders or we
feel put upon or victimized, we can do something about our
plight. I saw a sign that read, “Do you rise and shine or rise and
whine?”
Whining, even when we feel it’s justified, will not help – will not
result in healing, progress or resolution. So quite simply, it’s a
waste of our time!
We can learn to stop self-pity when it attempts to creep into our
thoughts. It may be normal to at first feel sad or sorry for
ourselves when things go wrong. But we can immediately turn
our sorrow into positive action. We can surround ourselves with
things that bring joy and happiness and experience whatever
makes us laugh. We can choose thankfulness as our ticket out
of self-misery. If need be, we can make a list of all the good that
has ever happened in our lives. We can’t feel sorrowful and
grateful at the same time!
And Jesus did give us instruction on how to treat those that
mistreat us when he said, “Love your enemies. Let them bring
out the best in you, not the worst. When someone gives you a
hard time, respond with the energies of prayer for that person…”
(Matthew 5:44).
A wounded ego and unapplauded pride is not the best in me or
you. We can leave behind anything and everything that is holding
us back or keeping us down. And we can all rise and shine to a
new day of joy, peace of mind, and infinite possibilities!
Editor's note: The views expressed in "Spiritual Walk" don't necessarily reflect the views of the Inside The
Pew staff. We reserve the right to edit and trim columns.
Pew staff. We reserve the right to edit and trim columns.
Annette Bridges is a freelance writer
who lives on a north Texas ranch with
her husband, John. Her columns are
published weekly on United Press
International’s
ReligionAndSpirituality.com,
Examiner.com and numerous other
websites and newspapers. Visit her
website and participate in her blog at
www.annettebridges.com and send
her an email at
annettebridges@gmail.com.
who lives on a north Texas ranch with
her husband, John. Her columns are
published weekly on United Press
International’s
ReligionAndSpirituality.com,
Examiner.com and numerous other
websites and newspapers. Visit her
website and participate in her blog at
www.annettebridges.com and send
her an email at
annettebridges@gmail.com.
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